Most employers are familiar with their legal obligations to grant military leave to employees and to reinstate them without loss of seniority or benefits upon their return. However, savvy employers also recognize they have a duty to help employees who are married to military personnel.

In her new book, While They're at War: The True Story of American Families on the Homefront (2006, Houghton Mifflin), Kristin Henderson, whose husband is a Navy chaplain and served with the Marines in Afghanistan and Iraq, says it's important for employers to understand the emotional issues that military spouses experience before, during, and after deployment; what reactions those employees might exhibit at work; and how employers can support them.

Emotional Issues of Deployment

"More than 60 percent of military spouses work outside the home," Henderson says. "Military spouses make great employees," she stresses, "but deployment dramatically increases their stress level," she adds. "It's an emotional rollercoaster."

"As soon as a deployment order comes through, the stress level goes up," she says, noting that spouses often go through a period of denial and then a "hyper mode" during which they try to get the household organized and complete projects before the service member leaves.

It's also common for couples to fight before deployment. "You would think it would be the opposite," she says. "But subconsciously, fighting makes it easier to say goodbye."

After the service member leaves, military spouses typically go through a 6-week adjustment period in which they are very emotional. In some cases, "you might not know it," because the person might cry in private, Henderson says. In other cases, "the spouse might burst into tears at her desk."

When service members are in a combat zone, many military spouses "have the same emotional reaction as someone whose loved one is dying from a terminal illness," Henderson says. "It's called anticipatory grief, a constant fear that their husband or wife will die in combat."

The physical symptoms may mimic an anxiety attack or manifest as restlessness, agitation, and difficulty concentrating, she explains. "You find yourself imagining the funeral. You're essentially grieving as if the person you love is already dead."

After the adjustment period, military spouses often feel empowered, because they see themselves managing the challenges of the situation. However, they are still grappling with the stress of their new responsibilities at home, and this stress can spill into the workplace.

Adjustments Upon Return

When a unit returns, service members and their spouses typically go through a "honeymoon period" that lasts for a couple of days to a couple of months. "It's as though they just made it out of a burning building together," Henderson says.

However, some couples struggle after that, and military spouses may be prone to tears at work or calling in sick, says Henderson. That's because both the service member and spouse have changed as a result of deployment, and they are "renegotiating" their relationship. The service person has experienced war, and the spouse has grown accustomed to a new role during the service member's absence. In some cases, infidelity is an issue that must be addressed, she says.

When a service member has been killed in action, it's important for employers to understand that military spouses may experience a delay in their grieving, Henderson says. "Often, the real grieving doesn't start until the unit returns."

What Employers Can Do

Supporting military spouses is not only a patriotic thing to do; it also makes sense from an HR perspective in terms of employee morale, retention, and productivity. If military spouses feel that their employer is supportive, they are more likely to be better employees, Henderson adds.

"Employers should understand that military spouses are hit with a lot of extra responsibilities," she says. "It's more than just being a single parent." For example, not only does the military spouse assume full responsibility for the care of the couple's children, the children often have a hard time dealing emotionally with the deployment. This puts more stress on the parent that stays behind.

By supporting military spouses, employers and other individuals are providing support to the military. "Military readiness is like a three-legged stool," Henderson writes in her book. "The first leg is training, the second, equipment. The third leg is the family. If any of these three legs snaps, the stool tips over, and America is unprepared to defend herself."

Employer support is also important to the deployed spouse. "Families are just as important as training and equipment, because soldiers are human beings, not machines," Henderson explains. "If a soldier knows his family is struggling while he's gone, that can distract him from his wartime mission. And in a war zone, distractions can be fatal."

Henderson also says it's important for employers to:

• Be flexible with time off. Henderson recounts the story of a paralegal whose husband was about to be deployed. The paralegal requested, and was granted, a day off on the day her husband's unit was scheduled to leave. However, when the deployment was delayed by 24 hours, her employer denied her request to take the next day off. As a result, she wasn't able to accompany her husband to the base to say "goodbye," Henderson says.
• Offer advances in pay. Finances are often a problem when a service member is deployed. National Guard members and reservists may have to take a cut in pay during deployment, and even if a service member is getting combat pay, the higher income may be offset by increased child care costs, a need for the military spouse to cut back on his or her work hours to attend to family responsibilities, and expenses for auto or home repairs that the service member would otherwise take care of himself or herself. "If a company has an advance policy, that could be helpful to military families," Henderson says
• Reach out to military spouses. "Many spouses are hesitant to let their employers know they are associated with the military because they think it will be a strike against them," she says.

  For example, some spouses fear that they will be passed over for a promotion because of the possibility of military relocation. Henderson recommends that employers create a "military-friendly environment" and include information in the company newsletter, on bulletin boards, and on the company website about support services available through the company's employee assistance program.

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• Educate employees about resources. Henderson says there's a "big gap in communication" between the military and spouses, and that HR professionals should not assume that spouses of service members are familiar with military support services.

  She recommends telling military spouses about Military OneSource (visit www.militaryonesource.com or call 800-342-9647), which offers referrals for a variety of services, such as childcare providers, financial counseling, and charitable organizations that offer grants and loans to military families. The National Military Family Association (www.nmfa.org) is also a valuable resource.

• Check in periodically. When a supervisor takes a few minutes to ask a military spouse how he or she is doing and what would help the employee function better at work, the gesture can make a world of difference to the individual.